Theres a bomb in my head and his name is Fibromuscular dysplasia, hes been around for a few years it seems but has only now introduced himself I call him F.M.D.
Theres a bomb in my head and he whispers songs of death in my ear. Like a string of pearls is how the doctors describe him, but to me hes a sick artery that feeds blood to my brain. We wouldnt know he was there but for reasons unknown I can suddenly hear him whispering in my ear whoosh, whoosh, rattle. Not unlike the sounds you hear when you see an ultrasound on TV with smiling parents joyful at the sound of their babys heart. But no one smiles when they hear F.M.D, its a sick raspy cavitating sound and I hear it in my head every second. Whoosh, whoosh, rattle.
Theres a bomb in my head and he wont let me sleep. Throughout the day I am acutely aware of my pulse; how every emotion, action and breath can change its flow and rhythm. Ive had many tests in the past few days, MRI, CT, and Ultra-Sound as they struggle to figure F.M.D. out; Im lucky I hear the sound they say or we wouldnt know. I dont feel lucky in the dead of night when there is nothing but me and the song of F.M.D. going whoosh, whoosh, rattle.
Theres a bomb in my head and he makes people lie. Im living an episode of a TV medical drama but Im the man on the table in the ill-fitting gown listening quietly while experts talk to specialist then turn to me and lie, its not that bad they say in one breath then in the next they have nurses clear schedules to make my tests happen now. Forced smiles, forced calm whoosh, whoosh, rattle.
Theres a bomb in my head and hes turning me mad. Its not the knowing its the hearing. Its one form of fear to know youre at risk of a stroke, but to hear it in your head second after second - a whispering song that might end in your death. Maybe it never comes, maybe I take my aspirin and live a long life, but the bomb in my head is singing to me whoosh, whoosh, rattle and the toll is growing. Im like a shark; I cant stop doing or I hear to the song too loud in my head. Whoosh, whoosh, rattle. Whoosh, whoosh, rattle. Whoosh, whoosh